Speaking Personally

Dear Friends, Family and Facebook connections (past, present and future),

(A couple of good friends over on Facebook created a group called "Art of a Beautiful Mind", in which some of my art and writing is being "exposed to the world" directly and through a link to this blog. I am honored that they did this, and quite flattered that so many people felt the urge, for whatever reason, to "belong" to this group.  I'm glad, because this is a personal note to anyone who cares to listen--at this point, the more people, the better. :)

The "Beautiful Mind" referred to belongs not to me, the "artist/writer", but to Us, all of us who read ourselves and paint our lives and so shape our Being. If you look at a piece of art or read a story and feel a response, it's because you are recognizing a part of yourself, growing and perfecting it by sensing and experiencing. It takes all the levels of our Universal Self to make beauty and meaning. It takes an infinite number of connections that we are scarcely aware of to make a personal "wow" moment. Each of us are artists in our own right.

I am aware of this, being a "contemplative" sort; I am also aware that all kinds of connections need to be created and honored in order to invite and expand a beautiful life. I talk about it often.

But talk, as they say, can be cheap. 

Recently, like most of us, I have been fielding some pretty harrowing changes in my life. More quickly than I would ever imagine, the new growth of understanding is springing out of the ashes of loss. Things burn down, sometimes, so you can see better. Hearts break to make room. A series of events has conspired to bring the last several years into high relief, and I am getting a very clear picture of my personal life--some shades of which are indescribably sad.

The sadness comes from the fact that I have not taken my own advice and courted the many faces of Joy--instead, I managed to wrap myself like a frayed rope around the axle of other people's difficult issues. I do this because I am a "caregiver", professionally and habitually; it would be almost fair to say that I was brought up that way, and it has become my primary mode of operation. Although I find this to be satisfying and even rewarding, I forget, most of the time, to care for myself...as if my perception could somehow be removed from the equation of reality--as if my life was somehow irrelevant to living.

I need to knock that off, some very kind souls have informed me, and have some fun! Oh, how right, how wise they are!

Like many "creative types", I enjoy time alone to think, dream and work things out; but there has been a huge imbalance, a lack of real contact and manifestation of heart-stuff into the physical. When I have the time, I paint or write my soul into view, perhaps throwing words and images out like confetti on an ocean. I sit and watch it float away...then I put on my serious business-body, in which a longing for friendship and connection sometimes runs around like an errant ragamuffin, and do errands, and take care of people...in other words, I need to dance more (not just with myself), and stop shushing my own singing (even though I can't really sing). 

I want to talk to people who feel a deep sense of health in the world, even through the apparent sickness running rampant like a designer virus targeting the Heart. If you can't feel it, the natural pulse, then beauty is fleeting and appreciation becomes a manipulative game. I am interested in seeing the genuine love that we are, somewhere, loosed in eyes, in hugs, in smiles, in compassionate holding of peace, in wild leaps and twirls...

I want to hang out, once in a while, with those who agree that working at the mini-mart selling moon pies, Red Bull and bottled (sheesh, it should be free!) water to the desperate or despondent public would be an absolutely irresponsible thing for Maria to do, since what I truly enjoy is a freely creative life--even if my back is up against a financial wall!

I want to hold the hand of someone who understands Us as lovely facets of a Big Love, which cradles our unique patterns in a tough/tender way, and nourishes us by allowing like-minded souls to flow together for a second or a century...

I want to be in the company of the Fearlessly Courageous, who have determined that Being really is worth waking up for, if only to see or do something new and different, or repeat something that genuinely works to add dimension and beauty to the day...

I want to find people who can laugh at their own cynicism, because they know the depth and eternal freshness of loving.

I know you all are out there; chances are good that you are reminding someone like me to stop being so cloistered, to stop pacing the confines of some closet, to lighten up on the tasking. You are extending an invitation to stand up and dance, to see the pain for exactly what it is, to flirt with Joy until she follows and waits at every possible stop. Bless you for caring, for challenging my comfort zones, for leading me with astonished mirth and the balance of a veteran co-creator, for stepping back and allowing me to find my footing...

May we continue to ask for help if we're lost, find and recognize each other!

Love and Blessings,

Maria