Monday, August 3, 2009

Default World

Excuse me for a minute while I note the current schizophrenic appearance of human nature--the giant split, the huge sleep, the blank stares in front of the fifty-two inch screen of life. If there is any rebellious identity I enjoy, it is the one in which I am a nomad on the fringe, in secret contact with a whole bunch of other fringey, nomad-types. But it is just a story!

I am probably not alone in that, if I had a prayer of any kind for my species, it would be that each and every one of us was struck with a serious case of reality in all its incredible beauty--that some bodywide third eye would be startled open before the event of "death" to see our default life for what it is.

Every political, economic or religious system we live by is imaginary, supported negatively or positively by the belief of groups of people. Some espouse a structure or a program, some fight it, and some just react to it blindly. Almost everyone believes in the solidity of these institutions, and that is why they "exist".

If all of humanity suddenly failed to recognize a currency, it would revert to its worth in reality...maybe one could eat paper, although the nutritional value is questionable--or build a shelter with stacks of coins. Sometimes, people stop believing in a wall, and it goes down. Lines on a map get rearranged. Even gods come and go.

I understand that we organize in groups and herds, and that our brains operate within a seemingly innate dualistic "template" for survival. I am fully cognizant of the value of peaceful and cooperative society. I do not believe that having more means someone else has to have less, however; I am convinced there is always a win-win solution to every potential conflict. With a deep trust comes ethical behavior that is just as innate as defense.

But this overall peace and prosperity cannot come about until we mature, become responsive to what this is, and stop living by default. Getting to what this Is requires a collapse into the most basic state of personal relating--not to life, which is in no way separate from what we are in the moment--but as life. We can do this individually, in a voluntary awakening, or we can flounder around in what my son might call an "epic fail" and do it collectively. In case you haven't noticed, collective collapse is in the air. It's quite natural for anything extremely top-heavy to fall down.

When I was a child, I was presented with two basic systems of operation (when it became clear to my parents that I was a bit "right-brained", and would probably not go to church on a regular basis--and that I was stubborn--and dreamed too much). Either I could "keep my feet on the ground" and ensure my survival with hard work, straight lines and a conservative point of view, or I could do the unsafe thing, become an artist, and probably starve. This is so trite as to be laughable now, but the impact to an eight-year-old is pretty large.

My parents and schooling taught me (mostly by their actions) not to trust my own instincts, my own love, my own passion, and it took me years to be unafraid. They so convinced me of the "either/or" that I forgot a third alternative was standing there, soaking up or rejecting their belief systems. This Reality that I am does not "believe in" creating choices such as they proposed. It does not recognize lines in the sand. It does not seek power at the expense of anything. It does not believe in the "truth" of systems, of status quo, of failure, of the concept of no concepts. Yet, these stories are generated regularly within it--not necessarily as methods to follow, but perhaps also as definitions of what truth is not.

This does not mean that I completely disregard social law, order and tradition--it just means that I recognize what these things actually are in this collective dream, and therefore am free of the sickening fear, repression or delusion that their more extreme forms tend to encourage.

In spite of some labels I acquired over the last thirty-five years or so, I deeply understand that I am not weird or crazy or an anarchist. I might be chased into the woods, imprisoned or burned at the stake (or just shake my head occasionally in utter cynicism), depending upon which way the wind blows...or, I could live to see some prediction-defying social Utopia. It doesn't matter to what lies beneath and above all outcomes.

Living by default is something I can no longer pull off with a straight face. I've discovered that my personal preferences and longings are a perfect path when they are not based in fear or reaction or "herd mentality". They are original in the sense that they keep me in Origin. Sometimes I get physically lonely or hungry sitting at the place where being comes gushing out of nothing; but it's home, and I can't forget it, because it's with me wherever I go. I bring pain or fear there so that it may be washed clean and the stark beauty exposed. I bring joy there, believing it may flow into other human hearts. And although I must speak of it in dualistic terms, it is nothing other than this, right here, right now. It is so basic and intrinsic that the only thing left to do is admit it.

Can we admit it? Can we admit that we are not in control--that in spite of appearances, nothing and no one is actually is? Can we trust ourselves enough to listen to the barely-audible voice coming from the heart, urging us to take a hike, grow a plant, yank the kids from the horrible school, quit the soul-crushing job, find supportive and understanding humans--before it becomes a shriek? Can we admit that we will never be numb, that we are meant to be sensitive, that we are much stronger than we are told and capable of things currently thought to be impossible?

Can we please feel?
It's the only way out of the program...

No comments:

Post a Comment